JAIL FOR MUMMY

I came from school and found them arguing,

Mummy had climbed on top of her bed and daddy was on the doorway,

He was shouting to mummy to serve him with food,

My mummy could not have any of it,

She held a big stick on her hand.

Although mummy looked like she wanted to beat daddy, she had tears in her eyes,

I was hungry, because mummy had said in the morning that there’s no food,

And there’s no money to buy lunch and bring to school.

I was feeling weak, and I was wondering why both mummy and daddy could not see that I had not eaten

I went to sit outside the big tree behind our house,

The noise was still loud, but somehow I managed to doze off,

Then I woke up when I heard noises as if people had come to our home,

It was true.

At first it was a small crowd, then more and more people streamed into our home.

I saw the police van take away my mummy and daddy,

Daddy was bleeding and uncle held his hand and led him into the waiting police van,

There was a lot of noise, and I think I heard someone say, “Let’s first take him to hospital”

That’s when I knew daddy was injured

Then one by one the neighbours left our home,

I was happy, because it was quiet now,

The sun was then setting, I went to the house and looked around for something to eat,

I only found an old orange, hard and with moulds all over,

I crashed it and ate the “good parts”

I heard voice whisper right into my ear.

She said something about jail for mummy,

But I was happy grandma came, I was hungry, and she was holding a cup of porridge.

MARRIED, BUT SINGLE!

This post has been motivated by the recent slashing of men by their wives with machetes in Central Kenya, specifically Nyeri county.

Just the other day I was talking to a lady who is a domestic help. She is married, and has three children aged between twelve and five years. He husband has been jobless for more than ten years, during time which she has provided for the family most of the time. Am talking about food, clothing for her children, school fees and every financial need.

Her husband on the other hand, though having no monthly salary has been doing casual jobs, for which he earns a daily wage. In spite of the fact that he does get some money, he has been of no support to his family. Drinking away the money or spending it to buy drinks for his friends, buying phones and credit for the phones. Whenever she’d ask for money, the husband would spank her in front of their children.

Then recently I realized that she looks happier, healthier and actually had acquired a glow. Sometimes am a meddler so I asked her what’s going on. She told me how the husband got a job far away, and how a burden has been lifted off her shoulder. So I go “hey, congrats, now you don’t have to do everything by yourself”. To my surprise she says that she isn’t expecting him to support them any more than he has in the past, so I go “huh?”

The burden, it turns out, is the husband! She goes on to explain how she’s had to feed five mouths, and now she’ll feed one “big mouth” less. How she can sleep peacefully after a day’s work, how her children won’t have to witness the nasty exchanges they’ve been having, how there’ll be no one constantly going through her phone trying to see who calls her and whom she calls, how she will have peace knowing her kids can live in peace. So I go “wow”!

Women talk, about everything. About how our kids are doing, about our jobs, husbands, church, our in-laws, parents, and about everything that the mouth can pronounce. In my interaction with women, I realize most have been left to the sole care of the children. Have they eaten, are their clothes clean, what’s with the cough, have they brushed their teeth, do they have enough books, pens... The men have reduced themselves to by standers. Reduced themselves because it’s a choice they have made..

How else would you explain why a man, upon getting some cash, would forget he has a wife and children looking up to him, and goes about spending this money on alcohol? She (the wife) wakes up, prepares breakfast, prepares the kids for school, sets his breakfast, cleans the house, gets what’s to be taken for lunch, dinner… and all this time the man is bumming around, doing nothing.. A lot of men have abandoned their divine role of being the head of the family to their wives. The women double up as mothers and heads of the family. They, however married have become single mothers, more like “double mothers” because they do double of the work; they are the mothers as well as the fathers.

I do not blame so much our sisters from Nyeri whom everyone is castigating on facebook. One male lawyer said recently on TV that when you see a woman feeling so aggrieved as to slash with a machete her own husband and the father of her children, then it’s the man who has a problem. He couldn’t have been more right. When men do not take their rightful place in the family and society; that of guidance, provision and love, then they are setting a bad example to their own children, and are tearing the family fabric right in the middle.

What father/husband are you? Are you proud of the things you do, to an extend you can tell your children to follow in your footsteps?

Let’s cut the Nyeri women some slack, I do not support violence of any nature, but what would you do?

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS

Yesterday I did something that I have never done in my life – shopping for teenage boys. My son is not yet seven, and therefore I still get kiddies stuff whenever I shop for him.

You see, we have decided to bring together all the orphaned students in our school to form a group. This way, we make sure we know them all; we can identify their collective needs and create a platform for them to share their experiences. This way we believe that they’ll encourage one another, as each will feel that their challenges are not unique to them only. We had collected a few coins from fellow teachers and some students, and we told the orphans to write down some of material needs they have. The list included toothpaste, toilet paper, soap, petroleum jelly, pens, and other small essentials.

At first I thought the money we had wouldn’t be enough (we had 1,500 KES, an equivalent of about 18 US dollars).

Here’s what happened at the super market where we went to purchase the items from.

I will compare yesterday’s shopping experience with the one I do for myself or my house.

At the toilet paper aisle, we picked the cheapest tissue papers (22 KES, about 25 US cents). Normally, when am buying tissue paper, I look at quality. I want to buy the smoothest, and mostly it’s the most expensive. Color is also very important. I buy gentle pink or pure white. I will mostly buy a certain brand, and if I don’t get it in the shop am in, I will move to a new one. I hate green or blue tissue. Yesterday, it was about the price.

When we went to pick shoe polish, we picked the cheapest- what we could get as a large container at a good bargain. When shopping for my shoe polish, I prefer shoe cream, from a certain brand, which is the most expensive among all brands.

Then I had to pick petroleum jelly. I didn’t realize that you could actually buy petroleum jelly at such cheap prices. When I want some lotion to apply to my skin, there are lots of things I put into consideration. One is the ingredients…does it for example have vitamin E, what’s the consistency of the lotion. Is it too thick or does it run too easily. It’s sometimes about the smell, the brand. There are brands I believe are more superior to others, meaning, they are more expensive compared to others. In fact sometimes if I don’t like the smell of a certain lotion after using it for a while, I will stop using it, mid-way and buy the one I prefer.

Then we had to buy the pens. We looked around for the cheapest. When buying a pen for myself, I like to look at the point... Does it write thin, sharp letters?

So there I was, yesterday, after a long time, looking first at the prices of items before buying. We had limited cash, and we needed to buy several things for several boys. I learned that the economy isn’t so bad after all. When you first look at the price, actually things can be managed.

We bought bar soap, long bars, so that the boys can divide among themselves for use to bathe and for washing clothes. Amazingly, we only used about three quarters of the money we’d initially thought wouldn’t be enough. The boys were happy, they couldn’t hide their joy. I was touched, and I realized that you don’t have to be Bill and Belinda Gates to help someone in need. People who don’t have plenty appreciate the little they get.

I learned that I take a lot thing for granted, I like to complain and yet God has been so merciful and gracious. He has supplied. That I can afford soap. That am blessed, and I will thank the Lord for the good things He has given me.

I AM BLESSED!!

I AM TEACHING DOCTORS AND ENGINEERS

Last week we admitted new students in Form One. The boys look so young; you almost wonder whether they have really been through Primary School.

Normally, when I have new students, I like to ask them to say their name and their dreams (what they aspire to be after their education)

A large majority said doctors (about 30%), 20% said engineers. The rest wanted to be teachers, lawyers, pilots, politicians, accountants, nurses, policemen, one wanted to be a driver, another one was not sure.

They look confident, and you could see the sparkle in their eyes when talking about their future careers.

My son has always wanted to be a pilot. So much so that he has this book on different types of planes that he has to look at every night before he goes to bed. Then he saw in a movie a plane that was blown off mid air. He said he no longer wants to be a pilot because planes get blown off. I had to assure him that it was all fake, but then again it could happen... I know I kind of had him confused especially on that it could happen. I believe when he can fully understand it, he will be able to know what I meant.

Every phase in education offers the student a new hope, a new life, a new chance/opportunity to shape their life. For young people, it goes deeper than that. When they talk about what they like to become, it’s because they are most certainly sure, and nothing stands in their way. Unfortunately a good number do not make it to pursue their dream career.

A lot happens between the time a student joins school and the time they leave for their chosen careers. Along the way are many issues they come across, some good, some quite challenging and others downright difficult. As a parent, it’s up to you to become the firm foundation on which a child can put their hope, on which they can always glance back in times of despair and get the much needed nudge to press on. It may just be a nod, that this will pass, or words of encouragement, or just a listening ear.

Here are a few tips, from my personal experience and what I have seen with others, on how to make sure your kid stays focused to pursue their dreams

1. Ask. A good number of parents have never taken the time to really ask their children what they would like to become when they grow up. Mostly, we assume they will follow in our footsteps. But do you really want your child to follow in your footsteps? Before you answer this question, take time to mentally retrace your footsteps and see whether that is what you want for your child.
2. Why. Let your child explain to you why they have chosen this career and not the other. The purpose of this is to be able to know your kid’s exact interests, and then you can be able to properly assist them towards that goal.
3. Research, research, research. When your child expresses interest in a certain career, take time to research, preferably with them on what the career entails. Have the facts at hand. Talk to an expert in the field the child is interested in. have them ask all questions they have about their career interest.
4. Follow up. Sometimes due to peer influence a child may change their mind on what they really want to be. Find out why, listen, and ask if it’s their choice or because their friend says so. Make them understand that one time they will be all grown up and their friends will not be around any more, then they will live their own lives.
5. Give them support. If you come across material that may assist them in creating more interest, give it to them.
6. For “highly academic” careers (ones that need specialization in certain academic areas), assist them to choose the right subjects. If you are not sure, consult their teacher, or someone already in that career.
7. Most importantly, look out for special talents that your child possesses, get an expert if you have to. There are many out there. That way, you can know how as a parent you can complement their interests with the special capabilities they have, and you can give the right career guidance.

I am teaching young boys, but am looking at DOCTORS, ENGINEERS, PILOTS, TEACHERS, LAWYERS, BUSINESS PEOPLE AND OTHER GREAT PERSONS!

"COME ON, TALK TO ME"

Dickson has been well disciplined for most of the time since he joined our school in Form One. He was doing well in his studies, making top five in most exams. Sometime last year he suddenly dropped in class performance, something, which at first I dismissed as just competition stiffening in his class. But then as time went by, I realized his behavior too was changing. He seemed to constantly be in trouble with teachers. If he wasn’t using the wrong language at school, he was in the list of noise makers in class or he was late waking up in the morning. That got me bothered. I talked to him, and especially about his academic work. I also lightly mentioned to him the importance of avoiding trouble with teachers, because it would affect his stay at school. He promised to change….

Recently, I noticed that he was getting distant during lessons in class, he seemed disinterested, almost bored. I caught him severally dozing in class, and it’s then I noticed he looked disturbed.  I called him, and told him that we needed to talk. When he came, I assured him of my undivided attention, that he could talk about everything, anything. Then amid tears, (when you see a seventeen year old shedding tears, then you know this is a huge one) he told me the story of his life. How his parents are always fighting at home, how his father is a habitual drunk, and how after completing his primary education he went to work in Mombasa, vending fruits because his parents couldn’t afford to pay for his secondary education.  

He went on to talk about how one time he saw a lady tourist in Mombasa and decided to approach her, to request if she could pay his fees so he goes back to school. The lady obliged and up to now she pays his school fees. However, there’s trouble at home. His parents are constantly quarrelling and fighting, and he cannot concentrate in his studies. At first, I was lost for words. Honestly, I didn’t know what word to tell him, but at last we agreed that he lives with one of his relatives, away from home until he can finish school.

I learned that young people, unlike grown-ups are faced with a crisis. They are not children, and neither are they adults. According to them, no one understands, and the world has turned against them. They yearn for attention, but they don’t know how to go about it. They rebel, in the hope that someone will notice their presence, just.

We on the other hand are quick to judge them, almost fighting them and in the process hurting them more, and pushing them further and further away. Here are a few tips on how to deal with wayward teenagers-

1.       Listen to them, they have concerns

2.       Ask their opinion on changes you want to make at home, and which affect them. For instance which school they want to attend, where to go for holidays, or even when you want to redecorate. And by the way, youth may know stuff that you don’t

3.       Don’t quarrel or fight in their presence. It comes down heavily on them

4.       If they have become rebellious all of a sudden, find out what’s eating them up. You will be surprised!

5.       If you’re a teacher, be interested in your student’s lives. Some have come from harsh backgrounds, they hurt, and all they need is understanding

Youth don’t rebel for rebellion’s sake. Mostly it’s due to unresolved issues, and it is up to you as a teacher, parent or pastor t figure that out.

Be the hope for a young person. Tell them “COME ON, YOU CAN TALK TO ME!”