OMG, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY

Imagine coming home from work, and finding your five year old kid crying in pain, because someone just raped them, what would you do?

*Teacher Onesmus was the kind of person you would find hard to describe..it’s true, some people are so easy to describe, at least physically. A majority of us are very tall, or very short, extremely dark skinned, extremely light skinned, and having a large, flat nose, loud mouthed, big round eyes…you get the drift. You wouldn’t describe Onesmus by any of the above words.

We’ve never worked together, but he was teaching at a school near where I was working (long before I became a teacher). He kept mostly to himself, and seemed not to have many friends. In my girlie mind, I often wondered whether he had the confidence to ask a girl out..!

Then I left that place. I  had a friend who was working with Onesmus, and one time she gave me a story about Onesmus. A story that has  inspired what am writing about today.

You see, in the school that Onesmus  teaching, a pupil refused to report to school on the opening day. The boy’s parents tried to talk him into accepting to go to school, but he wouldn’t budge. It’s after they threatened to beat him up that he decided to talk.

 Apparently, Onesmus, who resided at school would call some of the boys to his house, where he gave them sweets and sexually molest them after threatening them if they breathed a word. He did this to a number of boys.. An investigation was done and it was found  that what the boys were claiming was true. Their teacher had molested them on occasion.

I don’t know what happened to the case with the boys, but I later met him near the school I currently teach. He was teaching at a neighbouring school. I haven’t seen him for quite a while, but the last I heard of him, he had been transferred to several schools after molesting children. Here’s my point, sexual molestation of children is real. The worst bit is that it is not done by people who are completely strange to them. Child molesters are not dirty disheveled haggard looking people. Children are molested by people they know. Mostly people with a physical, or “leadership” advantage over them. Most children are molested by close relatives, teachers, neighbours they trust or spiritual leaders

Signs your kid is possibly being molested

1.       The kid becomes withdrawn all of a sudden. For no reason

2.       They start to wet the bed (I will repeat here again, bed wetting in grown children is a basic sign of stress. Follow that up)

3.       They no longer wants to be bathed, they insist on doing it themselves.

4.       Whenever being bathed, they grimace in pain especially when being washed their private parts

5.       When the molester comes around, the kid leaves, or if they were happily playing with the rest, they stop and may coil up at a corner.

6.       They stop using a certain route to school or church or to the market and they hesitate to give a reason why.

7.       They change their walking style. They may start walking with their feet farther apart than normal

8.       They refuse to talk with the molesters. If a child out of nowhere changes the way they interact with certain people, you might wanna find out why

9.       They say they don’t want to go to that home, or that school, or that church, and they seem irritable when you push to find out why

10.   They seem abnormally close to a certain grown up.. you can know when a grown up seems to be touching or playing with them inappropriately.

11.   You think that someone may be molesting them. Trust your instincts.

12.   A drop in academic performance, especially if you cannot put a finger to the cause

Precautions

1.       Do not leave your children with people you don’t trust

2.       Don’t let kids go to school, the shop, church or neighbors’ house entirely on their own

3.       Have activities that your children can engage in at the house, so they don’t get bored and wander to the neighborhood

4.       Build trust between yourself and your kid. Let them trust you to share issues with you, without fear of admonition

5.       Dress kids, especially young girls, like kids. Mothers, let’s stop dressing our daughters like little women. There’s no excuse, or reason for a man to molest a kid or anyone sexually, not dressing, not anything, but please, let’s play our role, there are twisted minds out there

6.       Tell your children the dangers they can come across as children. Encourage them to tell you if any one behaves in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Prevention is better than cure.

7.       Train kids basic defense skills like screaming or the groin kick.

8.       Your children should know your telephone number off head and the police hotline. Let them also have the number of a trusted neighbor.

9.       Don’t let individuals with questionable behavior or past hang around your kids. Am talking about people with a criminal record, even if shop lifting, drug users or violent people, even if these people are close relatives

What to do

If you suspect there is something going on or about to go wrong…(in no particular order)..

1.       Talk to your kid. Let them know that no one has a right to take advantage of them. Sometimes because of the threats they’ve received from their molesters, a child may be too scared to say. Be friendly, take them out for ice cream or something, then as you spend the time together, talk to them

2.       Investigate. Follow them one time after school, and try to find out what they are doing and with whom

3.       If you already suspect who could be doing this to them, have them investigated. Or you can do it yourself. Ask around if you are not sure. People know stuff..

4.       Take your kid for a medical examination. Sometimes if physical molestation may not have happened already, you can the take the kid to a children’s counselor.

5.       Call the police. However, you should only do this when you have enough evidence..

Important

1.       Most kids are molested by people they look up to, so don’t assume that your child is completely safe with anyone apart from yourself. Even some house helps molest children

2.       This article is not about putting fear in you or making you not trust people with your child. It’s about looking out, and knowing that things happen.